what am I doing

Today was beyond frustrating. I know that disaster scenes are inefficient but that isn't it. I feel like I don't have what is most needed here. Everyone is looking for doctors and engineers to certify buildings. The systems aren't here to install and even if the were, there is no place sited or available. I feel like a waste of resources. We are sharing sleeping quarters with a doctor. He is able to do so much but I just ride around. There are so many needs but I don't have what is needed to meet those needs. Seeing the dead leaves me feeling so helpless. The images of the people and signs saying need food haunts me as I eat my dinner.

I learned from John with SP that a local company is willing to send their water trucks around the city to give water but they just need bladders and stands to set up and SP mistakenly brought down water treatment systems. "You do your best with what you know" he tells me. I just encouraged the church to send money for another water treatment plant! Part of me thinks the fears of rioting over the water is hyper-paranoia because they distribute water with the trucks. The other part of me thinks they are right. As we sat on the side of the road trying to call and find a location (which we never found) a little boy came over and asked for help in broken English. When I asked him what help he needed he searched for the words and said, "I live right there. We need food and a new house". I had nothing with me but 3 power bars and a crowd began anxiously gathering. I couldn't even give this little boy a couple power bars. Tomorrow I think "Screw it!" Even if it is not enough for everyone, help some, in secret if need be.

I have thought of just going home but how would that affect those who sent me so anxiously. How would that affect their generosity the next time a disaster strikes. What can I do. There is no government, no organization, no real percieved need for water by the aid organizations. What am I doing here???

Paul the son of the owner of this office told us, "I just focus on helping 10 who will help 100 who will help 1000" Hopefully I can help a few with small water filters tomorrow and forget about the grandious 3000 per filter and accept 20 per filter because that is better than none.